Sex Education: Finger Finesse, the art of fingering a woman

Have you ever seen a porno? Don’t lie. I’m convinced a lot of guys — too many — got their sexual how-to from skin flicks they watched as teenagers when their parents weren’t home. And that can lead to big problems when they attempt to imitate the digital maneuvering they saw onscreen during real-life sexual situations.

I’m not saying you’re that guy, but if you are — don’t be that guy.

Porn actresses aren’t given enough credit for their thespian skills. They should win an Academy Award for the moans and scream they emit when the man rubs his finger as fast as he can against their genitals, as if he were some perverted boy scout trying to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. But let me tell you, in real life, friction burns just aren’t orgasmic. In fact, they hurt!

So how do you give good digital stimulation, the kind that makes a real girl moan like a porn star?

I decided to ask the one man who they say you can ask anything: Jeeves, the Internet butler. After all, I had once asked him the meaning of life and he had an answer for that.

Once on the site, I typed in my question. How can you massage a woman’s clitoris the right way? After clicking enter I found a plethora of step-by-step articles on giving a man a hand job and places you could find pictures of the area in question but that dirty old man Jeeves had absolutely nothing on women. (Which leads me to believe the whole meaning of life thing he came up with was probably a crock too.)

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Oral Sex Tips for Men, make sure you eat(out) right

Oral sex can be just fabulous. It’s something that should be celebrated and enjoyed fully. So if you’re going to go down on a woman, don’t just do it — do it right.

You can’t wave your tongue in the direction of a woman’s private parts and expect her to convulse in a mind-blowing orgasm then fall to her knees thanking you. You don’t need to be a box gourmet to chow it delightfully — while there is skill involved, being tuned into a woman’s mood and sensations is more important than all the strength your tongue can muster.

Ease in
First things first: don’t just yank down her cute little panties and have at it. “Don’t rush it,” says Brooke Matteo*, a junior at Dickinson College. “It’s a very sensitive area.” In other words, she says, give the rest of the body some attention and make a “slow prelude” to the big eat-vent.

When you finally get down there, don’t hurry. “Start out slowly and build up the speed as you go,” advises Melissa Wayner, a recent UNC-Wilmington grad who currently works as an animal trainer in Charlotte, NC.

Make contact
Oral sex is pretty intimate, but it becomes even more intimate when there’s plenty of physical connection between you. Don’t just lie and lick; stroke her thighs or hold her around her legs, Melissa says.

Also, don’t hide in her silky depths. Look at her. Make eye contact, at least occasionally, to see how she’s doing and so she can see how you’re doing.

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Having sex for the first time? Here’s what to expect.

The first time, a.k.a. losing it, being deflowered, breaking the seal, losing your innocence, popping the cherry — there are lots of names for it. But when you’ve decided to have sex for the first time, the names don’t matter. What matters is being ready and having some idea of what it’s all about.

Pre-Play

When the big day (or more likely, night) arrives, no matter how you set it up — with candles, champagne, and sexy lingerie, or as just another night — it’s bound to be more exciting, and at least a little more nerve wracking, than your standard hook-up.

So do yourself a few favors. First, have protection ready. There’s enough to worry about without having to add concern about contracting an infection or dealing with a pregnancy. If you don’t have a supply of condoms, go get some. Frank Littlefield*, a senior at Boston University, remembers making a fast trip to the store on his first night. He was at a friend’s house for a holiday party. When he discovered both he and his (also virginal) partner were latex-less, he “ran to the drug store. I grabbed one of those 75-cent single packs, and sprinted back. She was waiting for me.”

Next, get in the mood. This is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy it. Turn on some sexy music, and then it’s time for — hey guys, are you paying attention? — foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. The more excited and worked up you both are, the easier and smoother the whole thing will be.

Getting In

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Not having sex yet? There are plenty of exciting alternatives.

Are you and your mate looking for new and interesting ways to express your affection? Or maybe you and your significant other can’t keep your hands off each other, but are waiting before you plunge into intercourse. It seems that more and more young people are putting penetration on hold and seeking other ways to make each other feel good — without actual intercourse.

There are many reasons young couples decide not to jump right into a full-on sexual relationship: AIDS, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases are high on the list. And many couples just aren’t ready. In fact, according to a recent Playboy survey, the number of virgins in high school and college is increasing. So what’s a couple to do if they aren’t having sex? Plenty!

Here are ten suggestions for spicing up your relationship without going all the way.

1. Work those fingers. Mutual masturbation is a great way to relieve those building sexual tensions and to get to know what gets your partner off. Touching sensitive genitalia can be as pleasurable as having sex, especially for women, who sometimes have a harder time reaching orgasm through intercourse.

“When my last girlfriend and I met, she was still a virgin,” says Dirk Meeks, a recent graduate of UCLA. “She was kind of nervous about having sex, but loved it when I touched her down there. I wanted to be sensitive to what she wanted, so we really got into a groove, not going further than that for a while. But it was cool to be able to get her to have an orgasm without pushing her to have sex.”

If your partner is a man, you can get into the action, by performing a handjob. Like a blowjob minus the mouth, men often appreciate a good handjob as much as other forms of sex.

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