How to prepare for your Graduation Ceremony

Commencement Day is a dignified ceremony that hearkens the intellectual coming-of-age for the next generation of leaders, scholars and professionals. It’s a time of tradition, pride, refinement and respect. Without reservation, it is the finest day of a college student’s life.

Who am I kidding? A commencement ceremony, much like any other school-sponsored event, can be a real drag. Don’t get me wrong; the whole graduation concept is very exciting, but the actual event can be less than stellar if you’re not prepared. So what follows is a little list of forget-me-nots that will help you make the most out of your graduation experience.

Sunscreen
What’s the number one cause of sunburn? Commencement ceremonies. It’s a proven fact! You’re going to be outside for a long time — at least two hours. If you want to use the time to work on your tan, use SPF 15. If you don’t want so much as rosy cheeks, SPF 45 is the way to go. I won’t dwell too much on this. It’s already been covered in that song by Baz Luhrman.

Gum
Who needs bad breath at commencement? You’re going to be sharing memories with friends, giving a lot of hugs. There may be kissing involved. Get something minty, like Wrigley’s Spearmint; take no chances.

Umbrella
Ideally, your graduation day will be clear and beautiful. If Mother Nature has her own plans, come prepared. Nothing is more uncomfortable than sitting in the rain with wet underwear, waiting through a bunch of talk about how bright your future is. It’s a good way to catch a cold.

A Pressed Gown
Since they’re only worn once, many students forget to iron their gowns before the ceremony. Bad move. The gowns are sealed tightly in pre-folded, crisp plastic packages. When removed from the wrapping, there are always two horizontal creases in the fabric that are highly visible. One is across the chest, the other across the groin. Unless you’re looking to accentuate these areas, iron the gown. And use a medium setting — that synthetic fabric melts easily.

Another note on graduation gowns — they ARE NOT color safe. If it’s raining, your school colors may end up on your nice outfit. If it looks like rain on graduation morning, pack a sheet of plastic for extra protection from the elements. And don’t wear white.

Pen
Having a writing utensil close at hand is good advice for life, but can be especially useful on the day of commencement. You may have to sign someone’s yearbook. Perhaps you’ll want someone’s home address. Or you could do something really cool, like write catchy phrases on exposed parts of your body. Maybe something like “College Rules” on your forehead.

Water
If it’s a real scorcher, you’ll want something to wet your whistle. Soda might quench your thirst for awhile, but it will end up making you thirstier as the ceremony wears on. Cold spring water is the best way to stay hydrated. Remember not to drink too much. If you’re in the bathroom while they call your name, you might not get to graduate. Four years down the drain!

Inflatable Love Doll
This little blow-up wonder can serve many graduation day purposes. It’s a fun alternative to a beach ball — your classmates will love to bounce your doll around, and some parents will appreciate your sense of humor. A doll can also fill in for any family members who were unable to attend: “Hey Bob, I’d like you to meet my new sister, Candy.” If you’re looking for a date to accompany you to the post-graduation parties, look no further. Yes, an inflatable love doll is the most essential part of any commencement ceremony.

Disposable Camera or Film
Buy these early. It’s a little known fact that in some college towns, stores mark up the price of film and disposable cameras in preparation for graduation. But even if you have to purchase one at an inflated price, it’s something you’ll want to have. Eventually you’re going to want pictures of the people you went to school with. Don’t just get shots of your best friends , take pictures of the biggest jerks on campus. You’ll find that you have more stories to tell about them.

Flask of Vodka
For when they’re on the B’s, and you’re waiting for the Z’s.

Squirtgun
A classic way to divert your attention from boring speeches. Squirt your friends. Squirt your enemies. Squirt yourself in the face if you get hot. For extra fun, try filling your squirt gun with an alternative ammunition. Chocolate syrup is a yummy way to make new friends. What about windshield wiper fluid? Or, if you’re feeling especially daring, try spaghetti sauce.

You only get to graduate from college once, so make the best of it. Come prepared with the proper equipment, and your final moments as a college student will be ones to remember. Just don’t puncture your doll; that can ruin everything.

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