What if your Best Friend falls in love with you?


Nothing is better — or worse — for a good friendship than a little nookie.

Friends falling for friends“I thought briefly that I was in love with a good friend,” said Jessica Kahl, a junior at Stanford. “But before too long, I realized that we were just not prepared to make the transition from friends to something more.”

Kahl has managed to remain friends with her crush over three years of college, and she feels certain she made the right choice.

“Without the mystery and newness of someone unknown, a relationship with a friend might lack some excitement,” she said.

The scenarios seem endless: to tell or not, to act or not, and then there is the other side. What if your best friend falls for you? The dilemmas involved with friends falling for friends are perhaps as numerous as the number of people who experience it — and that’s a lot of people.

Nicole Canrelli, a junior at the University of New Hampshire, is one of them. Her good friend fell for her. “I think he is a really nice guy, but I was just not attracted to him,” she said. “He kept asking me out, and I kept saying no.”

Canrelli resolved the situation uniquely. She told a girlfriend who liked him to go out with him.

“He has not been after me since,” she said.

They’ve remained friends through all the changes.

“I have just tried to act as if nothing unusual ever happened,” she said. “It is kind of hard, but I don’t want to lose his friendship. I have to make it work.”

Hollywood movies of friends falling in love with friendsHollywood Feels Your Pain; Hollywood movies of friends falling in love with friends

Falling for a friend? Wondering if you should let them know, keep it a secret or try to get over it? Don’t worry, Hollywood understands. Check out the morals of these friend-falling-for-a-friend movies for advice.

When Harry Met Sally
Harry and Sally meet at the end of college and keep meeting until they have sex. They feel funny after. He compares her to a dog. She bitch slaps him. They meet once more at a New Year’s Eve party, he in a bad jacket, she with a bad perm and both feeling sorry. “Auld Lang Syne” and “The Wedding March” ensue.
Moral: Wait. You won’t have to fake the orgasm.

Josh hates Cher’s shallow, Beverly Hills bitchiness. He hates her surgically-enhanced friends. But he’s got her back anyway. What he should hate is that he’s kissing his stepsister. Eww.
Moral: Divorce sucks face.

Some Kind of Wonderful
Watts is a girl who seems to lust to the beat of a different drummer. After changing carburetors the live-long day, she sits at the kit in her garage and pines for her bud Keith — though that Denise Crosby haircut and the G.I. Jane-goes-to-CBGBs outfit point to a possible obsession with Amada, the object of Keith’s affection. When Watts stoops to playing chauffeur in order to chaperone Keith and Amanda’s date, it’s unclear who she’s ticked off at and who she turned on by. Fortunately, Keith almost gets his ass kicked and gives Watts the earrings and practice smooch she’s apparently been waiting for.
Moral: Not every chick who seems like a lesbian is one.

The falling-for-a-friend situation isn’t always as easy to resolve as this one was. Some choose to tell their friend and are met by a pleasant surprise when they find that their friend feels the same way, others get a kind, sympathetic “but we make such good friends.” And still others keep quiet and watch, silently tortured, as their best friend dates someone else.

Whatever happens, most people say it’s a very thin line to walk. Tell and you can lose a friendship or gain a strong solid love. Don’t tell and the feelings you have may drive you away because it just becomes too painful to watch that person fall for someone else.

Alen Hart, a junior at North Carolina State University, talked about the change that took place when he started to fall for a girl he’d once called his best friend.

“It is a realization that grows out of very small flashes of sexual interest,” he said. “This is followed by a long progression of really getting to know each other and then one day realizing that, despite even the worst event or the annoying idiosyncrasies, you still love every aspect of her.”

Because Hart’s friend has a boyfriend who treats her poorly and Hart is the person she turns to when she’s upset, he has never told his friend he loves her. He said he cares enough about her to know that her comfort and security right now are more important. And he does not want to see things become uncomfortable between them if he tells her how he feels.

“Things will eventually work themselves out,” said Hart. “And if they don’t, you can write the world’s longest romantic tragedy.”

Kelly Fynn, a senior at Harvard, took a different approach. After a year of having feelings for a close friend, the two came to be more than friends. But the decision was mutual after they really got to know each other and were sure the relationship would work.

“When you date someone that you haven’t spent time with before, there is always that awkward ‘getting-to-know-you’ stage,” said Fynn. “I think it is much easier to talk with someone and discover more about him if you have already had a chance to become comfortable with each other as friends.”

Image courtesy[buzzle.com, desktop designs]

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20 replies to this post
  1. Well I fell in love with my best friend. I told her bout my feelings, and she simply said she does not feel the same for me… I was distraught and down for sometime, and decided not to talk to her anymore. But she made me realise that instead of ignoring her, I shud cherish the moments and time we spend together, and it takes some time for u to realise, but if ur strong enough, den the wait is worth it 😀

  2. i have a freind whom i met 5 years ago ,,we were best freinds in a way that no 1 can believe! We were cool until last year where i got feelings for him ,,i stoped hunging with him cause i was affraid if i could react.,,this hapened almost a year ,,he asked why i said ”i was busy” ,,i never dated a guy before and im affraid to tell him ,,im not gay and am affraid he would say i am and loose our friendshi. Am i a gay or just a stage?? Help me…….

  3. Okay so I need some help. I have really liked this guy for a few years now but he doesn’t notice me in that way. He currently has a girlfriend and it’s killing so I vent to my
    one good guy friend all of the time. My guy friend knows extremly well how much a care about the guy I like. But it turns out my guy friend likes me. He hasn’t acted on his feelings yet but he might soon. The problem is I don’t like him. I like another guy which he knows. He also not that long ago broke off a relationship with one of my close girlfriends. So I have two reasons to not date him, the girl code and I like someone else. But I feel so horrible about having to denigh him. I also need help in getting the guy I’ve liked for so many years. I want to tell him how I feel but he’s in a relationship and what I say won’t make any difference in how he feels. But I need to know that I have tryed, that I just didn’t leave my feelings float around and not be acted
    on. I don’t want to tell him though that I like him cause I don’t want to responcible for breaking him
    and his girlfriend up. What do I do? About the guy I like and my friend who likes me?

  4. i found myself in this situation, where the guy and i have been friends for about a year. He and i clicked immediately, but he didn’t say anything and i didnt either. We remained acquiantances throughout the year but now that he is moving away he got my number from one of my friends and started texting me. At the time he was with really sweet girl- who hated my gutts. I respected their relationship though. I did not want to come betwwen them, so i just let him go in the beginning-plus i didnt want a relationship. Now though, he texted me telling me that he is with her, but when he leaves it will be over. I told him that i wanted to be friends, and he said ok. we didnt stop texting tho and for about two weeks we’ve been txting non stop. He dumped his girlfriend, who pleaded with me to stay away from him. I told him to back off because she said that she was still with him and that she did not like my presence. He pleaded with me to continue texting and so i did. we got really close, but now..time is winding down. We stopped txting about two days ago, after we actually hung out for a short period after i did some track. I was sweaty and unpresentatble, but he seemed cool. i cant tell if he likes me anymore and maybe he does. We started texting again and i was relieved cuz i was worried about our friendship ending. After a while though, he stopped and just said bye. I didnt get it, it was something he hadnt done before. After a while, i sat down and tried to work, but i cant stop thinking about him. I think that i really do like him alot but im too scared to get into another relationship. To make things worst he is going away and i dont know what to say. Im going to miss him, and i want to tell him, but what’s the point, it might just be futile. I am still trying to figure out if its just me or not because i’m so freaking confused. Wat do i do, he is leaving in a couple of weeks:'(

  5. My best friend just told me he is falling for me and loves me. However things are really complicated. I have a boyfriend, which whom I love very dearly, but I do also like my best friend a lot. But I can’t tell how much. I don’t know who to turn to. My boyfriend and I are very happy at times, but we are both very insecure in our relationship. With my best friend, we are always laughing and having fun, no matter what. He says he doesn’t want to push anything on me because he just wants me happy. But he also knows how I feel about him. I don’t really know what to do. I need help desperately! Please, help a confused girl, she has no where else to turn.

  6. My best friend told me he’s in love with me and has been waiting for the past year to tell me everything. He took me to the park to hang out and sat me down and told me absolutely everything. The things he said were some of the most meaningful things I’ve ever heard. I agreed and made him really happy.

    To be honest, I had doubts and nearly cried on the way home because I thought I had made such a mistake but as soon as I got on the phone to our shared best friend and told her I felt like I had done the right thing after all. It sounds pathetic but it’s only been 4 days but we are so happy and I have no doubts that it will last for a while yet.

    I would say that if you’re in love with your best friend, sit the down and tell them EVERYTHING! If you can’t do it face to face write it down and have them read it infront of you.

    If your best friend is in love with you just think about it. The pros and cons, don’t decide that moment. I in no way was attracted to my boy it since 4 days ago I’ve seen him in a totally different way.

    I hope this helps and good luck. Let me know how you get on.
    H x

  7. Dear friends

    Please help me out here because im really very troubled in my life.

    Have been in love with my best friend for the past one year now.I really know from the bottom of my heart6 that she is the one for me and the one i want to marry.I am physically and socially reasonably attractive and have no issues in getting a lot of female attention.
    ‘But my best friend says she doesnt look at mtht way coz its hard for her to like some one whom she once used to consider as a friend.She cant do it from within.She says she knws shes perfect for me and vice versa bt then shes nt able to.

    Friends im very worried and upset.Life really seems a waste without her.Please reply and try to solve my problem.And if u think u dont have a solution, please pray once from the bottom of ur heart tht she one day says a yes to me.Life is nothing widoud her and im crying every day for hours.

    Kindly help me.SHall be obliged.

  8. So my best friend just told me he is in love with me.
    It’s so complicated, I just don’t know what to do. We briefly hooked up last summer but he always said that it was just casual, so eventually I just got over it. I could’ve really seen giving this a shot back then. But he went abroad for 6 months and I moved on. Now he’s back and says he was scared and that he realised he’s been in love with me for the last 2 years, and he was hoping that going away would help him get over it but instead he realised he can’t be without me.
    Start of last year I’ve been though a really horrible break-up, so considering giving my best friend a chance last summer was a big deal so when he didn’t seem interested I moved on and I’m happy back on my own feet and enjoying being single right now. Him confessing his love now came as a big shock.
    I don’t know where I stand, sometimes I can see this working then again I’m not sure,whilst I love him to bits and am really comfortable around him, I miss those butterflies…
    On top of all that, he lives a few hours away and would have to move to my city for us to be together. He said he would but that seems like such a big step again for something I’m not sure about. I can’t imagine my life without him in it either, I’m scared of losing him as a friend. Any advice?

  9. I like my best guy friend A LOT. So much that I can’t focus on anything else but him at times.(My friend says I am in love) He likes me back too. But I only found out through my cousin, So he doesn’t know my feelings, and doesn’t know I know about his. We are basically stuck in the middle of being Friends and More than friends. I always say that we are basically a couple without the label and the perks of being a couple. I am so stuck. I have this huge fear that if it is awkward to move to the next level, or if we break up, it’s going to ruin our friendship forever. I want to tell him so badly, but I keep bouncing back to my fears. What should I do?

  10. I’m in love with my good friend. She is amazing, funny and has the same interests as me. I really think she is the one and am hating myself for not noticing it sooner. The problem is she has been telling me about her friends falling in love with her and how she hates it because it makes her feel like all the guys just want to do her. I don’t want to be another one of those friends that fell in love with her and add to her pain. What should i do? She has a major trauma because of one of her friends falling in love with her but when she actually decided to go out with him he went and fucked some other girl and got caught by her. Now she doesn’t trust people. What do i do? just stay as friends?

  11. This summer I got my first real girlfriend. Another friend told me that my best friend (the one i now realize I’m in love with) was jealous. Nothing really changed, I just kept my girlfriend and having a great time with her while still hanging with my best friend, assuring her that just because I got a girlfriend she wouldn’t lose me. After about a month I went on a vacation for three weeks. During this me and my girlfriend talked non stop to insure that we wouldn’t lose the spark. But when I came back she told me she cheated on me, I being the stupid forgiving person that I am said we could just forget about it but she didn’t feel the same way and dumped me. I was sad for awhile but then I realized maybe this was for the better and this was the chance for me to tell my best friend that I wanted to be with her. But before I could tell her this another friend of mine (her best girlfriend) told me that she loved me. I just kinda ignored it and told my bestfriend that I always saw myself with her and it was her that I wanted to be with. She said at times she thinks she likes me but she couldn’t do that to her friend. She told me to try to make it work with our friend, so against my better judgement I did. I kissed her and then she said she didn’t feel anything. Which I’m kinda glad because I never reallly saw anything happening there anyway. But now I don’t know what’s goin on in my bestfriends head. Should I tell her again? What can I do to make things work here?

  12. I like one of my good friends for a VERY long time. It came to the point I knew I loved him more than simply a friend. He got a girlfriend, I gave up. A couple of months later I got into the best relationship I have ever thought could even exist and. I plan on marrying him. My good friend and I began talking again (I was more than a little mad he got a girlfriend without talking to his bestfriend about it). I told him I liked him for I very long time, he told me had had too, and still did. I told him, “I love you, but its too late now” Don’t get me wrong, I in no way love him more than my boyfriend. he told me he loved me too. He’s had his heart broken and he doesn’t love easily. Now he’s given up hope he will find someone for him. I know he’ll find someone because, well frankly, because I know I love my boyfriend more than I love him. I don’t know how to explain that well without hurting his feelings. He’s given up on finding love and is just going to be happy for his friends. I told two of my good friends to talk to him and cheer him up. Girls that are good people that I hoped could convince him there were decent girls in the world. They’ve both told me he doesn’t talk much (VERY strange, he’s usually one to make friends quickly) But, that he lights up as soon as they bring up me. “It’s like six to midnight when I bring up you.” one of my friends said. I care about him so I want him to be happy, I just don’t really know how to make have hope again.
    Any ideas?
    PS. It felt good to write that all out=]
    PPS. I do plan on finding him someone, I feel somewhat responsible for his happiness now.

  13. So… I know that I love one of my best guy friends. I haven’t told him yet because I’m afraid he’ll overreact. Also, I haven’t seen him in a while. But he’s been weird lately. I mean like, he would be so friendly, then suddenly he gets angry about just one little thing. I remember before, he asked me to be his first kiss, but he didn’t ask me that because he likes me, instead it was because everyone else at his school already had their first kiss, and so he wanted to be too. I didn’t kiss him though, and now I kinda regret it. Now he says he’s got a girlfriend, and it’s kinda hard acting like I’m happy for him and it’s none of my business. I still wish I could tell him… But he might get weird and try avoiding me.

  14. i’m in love with my best friend. He started dating one of my friends about 2 months ago, I told him how i felt last week. He told me that “at one point, he was desperately in love with me”. I asked him where this left us and what was going to happen and all he could say was “I don’t know…”. I asked him who he was happy with, and he said “his girlfriend and me”. What should i do? We hang out from time to time. After i told him how i felt we started hanging out more and got even closer. I just can’t tell if he still loves me like he says and just doesn’t want to hurt his girlfriend or if he is just using me for a good time? Any advice?

  15. Ok, ya right now I think I am in Love with my best friend, but not sure what to do. What if this is my only true love, not knowing if she likes me or not? Not to sure what to do or say. She is the only one that I think that I ever want to date or marry. We know so much about each other. It is crazy.

  16. Luke if you are still struggling with this here is my advice: take a firm line if you are clear you are not interested. I was in her shoes twice and I have alot of respect for my friend Chris who made it clear that I had no chance. Be strong to break it off if she just won’t get it. If she is your friend she also deserves to be happy and if its not you then let her go and end the friendship. You will be doing her a favor.

  17. Yeah, My advice is give her a chance! I would! Doesn’t she at least deserve that if she’s your best friend?

  18. I need help. My best friend is totally in Love with me, but I have made it very clear now that I don’t like her that way. What should I do?

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