Not having sex yet? There are plenty of exciting alternatives.


RelationshipsAre you and your mate looking for new and interesting ways to express your affection? Or maybe you and your significant other can’t keep your hands off each other, but are waiting before you plunge into intercourse. It seems that more and more young people are putting penetration on hold and seeking other ways to make each other feel good — without actual intercourse.

There are many reasons young couples decide not to jump right into a full-on sexual relationship: AIDS, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases are high on the list. And many couples just aren’t ready. In fact, according to a recent Playboy survey, the number of virgins in high school and college is increasing. So what’s a couple to do if they aren’t having sex? Plenty!

Here are ten suggestions for spicing up your relationship without going all the way.

1. Work those fingers. Mutual masturbation is a great way to relieve those building sexual tensions and to get to know what gets your partner off. Touching sensitive genitalia can be as pleasurable as having sex, especially for women, who sometimes have a harder time reaching orgasm through intercourse.

“When my last girlfriend and I met, she was still a virgin,” says Dirk Meeks, a recent graduate of UCLA. “She was kind of nervous about having sex, but loved it when I touched her down there. I wanted to be sensitive to what she wanted, so we really got into a groove, not going further than that for a while. But it was cool to be able to get her to have an orgasm without pushing her to have sex.”

If your partner is a man, you can get into the action, by performing a handjob. Like a blowjob minus the mouth, men often appreciate a good handjob as much as other forms of sex.

“I love a good handjob,” Meeks says. “For some reason the girls I’ve dated have sometimes been better with their hands than their mouths. So, it can be a real turn on.”

2. Get greasy. Massage is a wonderful, relaxing way to explore your partner’s body. There are plenty of hidden erogenous zones for you to discover, so start exploring. Be sure to pick up one of the many great smelling body massage lotions or oils to enhance the moment and make your skin nice and soft. It’s sensual and therapeutic. What could be better?

3. Tub time. Taking a bubble bath together not only gets you clean, it can be the perfect way to spend an arousing evening. Don’t forget the bubbles or bath beads. Fill up the tub, turn out the lights, burn some incense and light a few candles — it’s that easy. For extra pleasure, use a washcloth and bath gel to get clean all over or wash each other’s hair.

4. Lights, camera, action! The human body is beautiful, so why not capture your love’s form on film — with their permission, of course. Taking sexy snapshots is the perfect reason to buy some special lingerie and can be quite an adventure. To avoid potential embarrassment, it’s important to pick a night when you know your roommates and friends won’t disturb you.

Begin by setting up a picturesque backdrop, like your bed, couch, or an oversized chair. Be sure there are lots of pillows and interesting props (feather boas, hats, stuffed animals, etc.) to make the pictures more interesting. It’s important to be comfortable with what you are doing, so you might want to start fully clothed and take clothing items off as you get in the mood.

“It feels really naughty, but it is also romantic,” says Nelly Castilo, a student at UCLA. “When my ex-boyfriend and I did it, it reminded me of that scene in Titanic.”

But Castilo warns that there could be a downside to this activity. “You need to have a lot of trust before you should let [your significant other] take pictures of you,” she says. “You don’t want to end up plastered all over his dorm room or on the Internet.” You also might not want to have the film developed at a local photo shop, so consider using a digital camera.

5. Touch thyself. Masturbating is usually a private activity, but performing the act in front of your partner can be very exciting. This might take some courage, but some couples seem to really enjoy watching each other get off sans assistance.

“When my girlfriend has her period she gets really horny,” says Alex Christoper,* a recent graduate of the School of Visual Arts. “She doesn’t like the idea of having sex during that time of the month, so sometimes she’ll masturbate and let me watch. It’s really sexy and she finds it rather empowering.”

6. Wanna watch? Men are easily aroused by visual stimulation, which could explain the soaring sales of magazines like Maxim and Playboy. Couples can enjoy visual stimulation together and learn more about each other in the process. Pick up a skin mag or an X-rated movie and watch it together. You could both get turned on, and learn a few new things as well.

7. Cook up some romance. Many different kinds of food are known for their sensual side effects, and many are easy to find and prepare — even if you live in a dorm room. So forget plying him or her with booze and whip up an aphrodisiac-laden snack or meal. It’s fun to cook together, especially when the food induces kisses. Try some pine nuts, strawberries, grapes, garlic, olives, onions, asparagus, seafood and, of course, chocolate.

8. Toys, toys, toys. Vibrators and other sex toys can bring an interesting element into the bedroom without the worry of intercourse. You don’t even have to go into those creepy XXX-rated shops, which always seem to be located in the seediest part of town. There are plenty of Web sites that will send you all the playthings you need — discreetly packaged, of course.

9. Oral examination. Time tested-and-true, oral sex is a common pre-intercourse couples’ pleasure of choice. But remember that oral sex can still transmit disease, so be sure to use protection.

10. Backseat of the Chevy. Now that you’re on your own it may be easy to find places to be alone with your honey. But remember the good ol’ days when sneaking kisses on a date usually took place in a car, at school, or in the protective darkness of the movie theater? Get back to that sweet simplicity and go on a date. Pack a picnic, head to a sappy romantic movie, or drive to the local Lover’s Lane. They’re all perfect for a surreptitious make-out session.

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64 replies to this post
  1. I am currently 19, my name is Jose and I lost my virginity at 14. To be honest, I regret it, sure it was fun and exciting and yeah I got caught up in the moment… But now sex is not quite the same, I’ve had several other partners and that special feeling that was once there simply faded away. It use to mean something special having sex, I mean I use to get attached after having sex with someone I loved, it use to mean commitment. Now its just sex and nothing more, there is no attachment involved, it is simply for pleasure now, yeah its enjoyable. But it is no longer stand for commitment as it once did. After making love with someone, we both would have the commitment sort of feel to it.. Now for the most part the majority of the youth doesn’t see that commitment. Sex isn’t what is use to mean. Both indidividuals should be able to wait, because we all grow up we all change overtime, feelings change and we meet new people. Patience is key to hapiness

  2. I am Victoria, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.ATILA for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 4 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.ATILA released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to DR.ATILA for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. that is his email address

  3. FFS? What happened to the days when 10-year-olds would play and watch cartoons? Keep it in your pants, young ones. Pregnancy and STIs is not something you want to run into at such a young age let alone at mine.

  4. Hey! I’m 14 and my boyfriend is 16… We have been together for a year, and he asked me for the first time to have sex (He was nice and didn’t push it on me). I refused, but offered the best I could- give him a blowjob. He then offered the “69” position, and I agreed… I was really stressed out, because we have never touched each others private places. 

      We undressed and both just sat in silence. Then we started to kiss, he slowly went down to my hips, and awkwardly but quickly we were in the 69 position. He was gentle, and I tried my best too (with as much experience I could have from reading stories). first with thong, then he started touching my private place with fingers (and inserting). I could feel that he was close to orgasm (I was too), because he was extremely hard, and his his body got really tense. As I continued, he got closer and closer to ejaculating, and as closer he god as faster and harder he worked in my private part, until it got even painful to me, so I stopped tried to move away (and tell him) , but he was holding me, I had to quickly sat next to him. He said sorry to me multiple times.
       We were sitting in silence for about 30 minutes, “watching” Tv. Then he started touching my leg and apologizing to me. Suddenly he started to touch my private part and his, and trying to get closer so that he could insert it, telling me that I will like. I had to push him away, and get up. I dressed and we didn’t talk much for the rest of the evening. 
       Sorry for all the writing, but maybe I did something wrong, so I wanted to give the detail. After this I am scared for what can happen next time, or when I decide to go all the way. :<  On the other hand, if we go all the way, maybe he will be satisfied, and won't push it (if he did?). He have asked me to forgive him a couple times after that day. Please HELP! Can I trust this guy? Everything have been amazing with him, until this accident.. :( I love him, and he loves me… HELP.

    • I don’t think you should trust this guy because he doesn’t seem to respect your decision.
      I am with my boyfriend for 4 years and he always understood when I said I don’t want to have sex right now.


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  7. I contacted Dr. Lee, because someone that I loved the most suddenly left me. I have always been the one that has been hurt. I knew that when I first met him, he was the one I have always been looking for. For some reason he’s been holding on to the pain from a past relationship. Dr. Lee so far has been in contact with me every day and has decided that he will take my case. He told me that me and the guy was very well matched and he will help clear his mind from all the negativity. He did all that and now we are now both happy together again. Thank you Dr. Lee. Thank you for choosing my case. Thank you for giving me hope again. Email

  8. Im 15 and my boyfriend and i are really wanting to explore te idea of sex but we dont get to see each other often cause its summer and we are both virgins so we have no idea wat we are doing please help!!

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  10. I love the toys toys toys idea I guess because I sell them lol.

    We I was youngster and had a girl friend before we had sex we would rub and grind on each other in our underwear. It was a lot of fun and the next best thing to having sex.

  11. me and this boy was together for 5 years if you can belive it he kept asking me to f him and i said yes around the end of then 5th year he broke up with me soon as i gave it up our 6th aniversery would have been tomarrow:( well im 12 now and single i feel so desprate its sad how a guy will cum in u then dump u any of u round my age need a girl p.s he is 16 now and im 12
    all true

  12. Me and my boyfriend have beengoing out for like five months im 15 abd hes 16 we done orAl and i k ow that he wants to wait till hes 18 to loose his virginity and i kinda do to i love him and i want to have sex in a couple months but i dont wNna do anything either of us will regret any suggestions

  13. How do i get over being self-conscious, both my partner and I are ready to take the plunge but im worried he wont like my body, I’m not what you would call a model, im rather a curvy girl and my partner is tall and quite solid, little chubby, im just worried he wont like what he sees, any suggestions??

  14. Hey, I’m 14 and me and my girlfriend have been going out roughly two years. we have both given eachother oral sex and were going to have sex a few weeks ago but I couldnt fit in I gave oral sex before I went for penetration but I couldn’t fit in. Can someone give ideas? I’m a virgin and I really truly love this girl.

  15. So I’m almost 21 and my girlfriend of almost a year said she will never give me a blow job. I really want to experience one but don’t want to force her. What should I do?

    • Remember if u want somthing u have to give it first thats the best way! Thers no age for loosing it but u will remember it for the rest of your life! Wats the rush? Whatever u want be safe! Enjoi yourself and have fun!

  16. I’m 11 and realy want to have sex but I can’t cuz I live with my mom and me and my boyfriend r realy … Hmmm… We r realy good together and I don’t no if he wants to have sex we haves kissed hugged, held hands Ben REALY close togetherher but I’m scared to ask :(

    • Hi Sera,
      Your first time isn’t something that should be rushed, if you’re too uncomfortable to talk with him about it then maybe it’s better just to wait.
      However, if you really think you’re ready, try and subtly bring up what he thinks about the idea when talking/ texting. Careful not to make him feel pressured though, other wise it won’t be as pleasurable for either of you.

  17. Hello, I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 22. I’m a virgin and he’s rather experienced, I’m nervous about the whole sex thing even though I really trust him and we feel comfortable with each other its still kinda nerve racking. Any advice?

    • I’m in an extremely similar situation.
      I’m 15, in a relationship with a 21 year old.
      If you really like him, go for it. Believe me, it’s only nerve wrecking for the first few minutes. After that, you’re completely comfortable being around eachother in a “sexual” kind of way.
      The fact that he’s experienced just makes it that much better.

  18. Hey me and boyfriend have been going out for a while now and we believe we are ready but I’m scared that if it happens he’ll be gone… Any advice?

  19. hey, im 15. me and my boyfriend are really close. alls ive done is give him a handjob. he wants to have sex. but im scared that it will hurt, i use tampons tho, so will that maybe make it not hurt as ‘much? also, i hvae a retainer. when im giving him a blowjob should i take it out? im just really confused about all of this =/

    • im really confuse too
      but i dont think usin tampons is goin to make it hurt anyless&myy friends arent virigns its really only me&myy bf are virgins but umm yeaa my friends has a retainer just as well but she takes it off

  20. hey, im 14 and ive been talkin with a 17 year old for almost two years…we live really far apart (1 1/2 hours away) and we’ve met and “explored” eachother’s body and everything over time. i know hes ready, and wanting, to have sex…dont get me wrong i do too, alot. but thing is i dont want to end up getting really hurt (like him leaving me or using me) even tho i trust him with my life, im still scared something might go wrong…plus he’s a junior and will be going to college in about a year.. so i dont want to give myself to him then him go off to college and forget me, even tho he’s said a million times ill never forget u, how can i?…i love him so much, but i dont know wat to do now… Any tips?? or solutions?? plzz?

    • @ Megan Rennea

      honestly, you’re 14…in my opinion, that’s way too young to be loosing your virginity…especially to a 17 y/o. I’m 19 and I lost mine when I was 18, I thought my boyfriend of the time loved me and when I lost it, I also thought I was ready. Now looking back, I wasn’t, and regret is a terrible feeling, but when it’s something like this (also the fact that you’re still a baby yourself) you’re not emotionally ready. Just because he says he will never forget you, means absolutely nothing. My boyfriend at the time said the same thing, I don’t even talk to him anymore and he’s moved on…Think about it, your ‘boytoy’ is going to be in college soon, he will be tempted…also remember, around his age guys are immature.

      My suggestion is don’t loose it to him, it doesn’t sound worth it. You will eventually meet someone who fully appreciates you and when the time comes, it will feel amazing. You’re only 14, enjoy being 14. :)

  21. Hey im 13 , my bf is 15 and me nd ma bf have been goin out for a little over 5 months and he and i are both virgines. I think im ready for us to have sex but im scared. We have had oral and it was such a turn on but im scared for the real thing. We’ve talk about it a bit and we have good chemistry . We are planning for today after skool while his parents are away. I am afraid that it will hurt and i dont want to become pregnant what should i do? I dont want to end our relationship because i dont want to give him sex.

    • Please don’t throw away the most precious gift you have, to someone who could be gone in an instant. You need to KNOW this person will stay with you. How can you know if they really truly love you? Wait until they marry you. Sex was created for marriage, and I beg you to keep it. I will be marrying the love of my life in less than four months. I am extremely excited to become one with her because we both agree that this is a special thing and have not had any kind of sex in the two years we have dated.

      Sadly, I am not a virgin. I lost mine at 17 and I wish I could go back to keep that gift! But my fiance loves me, and still respects me.

      I am now 21, and I want to encourage you younger people to practice patience. It is one of the MOST important virtues you can possibly practice.

      Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this :)

      ** for anyone who wants to ask questions!

  22. am 40 n virgin,,,,,, my bf 30 wanna have sex with me but start from oral,,,,, am afraid it gonna be hurt,,,, n how i can please him get orgasm

  23. well I’ve lost a lot of relationships for not having sex… I’m 14 years old and i really like this guy and i think I’m ready but I don’t think I’m ready. What should i do??

    • hey shay,
      if you’ve lost relationships uz u wouldnt give sex then thats okay, and since u really like this guy u should talk to him bout u not being ready and if he truly TRULY cares about u he’ll respect ur choice and make the best out of it with out the sex part…plus if ur not ready ur not ready.. no ifs ands or buts about it..its ur personal choice and dont ever leave that personal choice for some jerk who says if u really love me u’ll give it to me… hope this helped u out a little (=

  24. Hey my bf and I have been goingbout not thst long and idk if I’m ready for sex or not I always want and he wants it and I just don’t know if I want it with him cause I’m a virgin and he’s alot more expeirianced

  25. Variations — There are a lot of things you can do beside vaginal / penis intercourse. You can suck and lick his penis, balls and anus when he is showered well. Tease his anus with your finger with jel while you rub his cock up and down with jel. That is a double turn on. Have a small had towel or tissues ready for his cum. You can suck and swallow his cum if you like that.
    Get him to rub you clitoris as you enjoy it with gel until you orgasm. Men don’t know about the clitoris – you have to teach them – thery think it is all thrusting in the vagina with a huge penis.
    He can caress your breasts and nipples and your whole body – inside you thighs is good. Have fun girls.

    • Hey Tyson, I resent the implication that all men are really bad at anything other than penetrative sex. Some of us happen to be quite good at it, thank you very much.

  26. hey amy. im 16 and have been with my bf for almost 5 months, he was a virgin and i wasnt, when we tried to have sex the first time we had exactly the same problem.. we soon realised that it was because i was so tense and not loose enough so now we often do some oral before hand to relax a little.. otherwise you could go straight to it but you could get on top and that way you control how deep or whether or not he does penetrate you. you can keep it in by pushing down on him… also guys find it a huge turn on if the girl is on top.

    also my boyfriend said that he felt nervous the first time so he wasnt as hard as he should be… make sure your boyfriend is hardbefore penetration..

  27. My boyfriend and I finally went all the way or should i say we tried to. when it came down to him putting it in it just wouldnt and then wouldnt stay in. any advise i want to have sex but dont want to go though that again

  28. i am a virgin and my some of my friends say that it does hurt and then others say it didnt hurt as much as they thought it would and my boyfriend is more experienced then me we haven’t been going out for as long as other relationships have but i like him alot and i think im ready and im not very comfortable with my body (but how many other teenage girls are) but im not really fat or skinny and i have an ass but my chest isnt very big but yeah i just need advise

  29. I have a lot of trouble using tampons. I have great difficulty getting it in and then even if I do, when it’s time to pull it out it’s incredibly painful. I talked to my doctor and she said it’s perfectly normal and that some people can’t use them. But I’m afraid that since I can’t use tampons, my first time will be incredibly painful. I’m not in a serious relationship or anything, but I was just wondering if it would hurt for someone like me more than it would girls who can use tampons….

    • Hi Megan,
      I have the same problem–in fact, when I headed to the OBGYN at age 18 (I had still never used a tampon), I was actually told I shouldn’t use them. Some girls are so small that it’s necessary for them to undergo a procedure in which the hymen is removed (the flap of skin that covers the vagina). But it’s nothing to be ashamed of… and neither is retaining your virginity past your teenage years. I’m 21 and still have yet to lose mine!

  30. This is helping me alot to warm up to my own self and decide if I’m ready to go all the way with my boyfirend.
    I think I am. Also, Whats up with the Chuck Norris jokes?
    I like them though, so keep it up!!!

  31. Try putting posters of Chuck Norris on your wall and wearing a Chuck Norris mask, for no women can resist Chuck Norris. However, be wary of the real Chuck Norris stealing a girl that is rightfully his. However, all girls actually belong to Chuck Norris, this is what makes sex so risky.

  32. Stephen. try ”warming” her up and making her horny and turned on there is many ways to do so,including kissing,and many many other ways. just dont go straight into the final thing and it wont hurt as much. oh and tell her to spread

  33. i have done everything i can to get my girlfriend ready but when we try to do it she is always tight and it hurts her .any suggestions?

  34. I don’t think that there’s a good “time” to lose your virginity. The important thing is that you’re in a committed relationship with someone you really trust- trust is key.
    If it hurts a lot, then you’re probably not aroused enough. I know that it can be pretty painful if your muscles are tight, try letting him get you going before penetration. The fingers are a great way to feel loosened up, or tongue if you’re guy’s feeling really nice.

  35. Hey, when me and my boyfriend first had sex, it hurt for me too. But after he was in for a while, the discomfort went away and it started to feel good. If you are really worried try lube or something…that might help too…

  36. Hi Sean. I’m 16 years old, and i have just recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 2 years. I don’t regret a thing, and I think it made me mature and grow up alot. Just don’t look for girls to have sex with. Once you find a girl, and she is willing to give herself to you, (if u love each other) then go for it, it doesn’t really matter how old you are.

    •   Anderson
      This was even faster than I could dream of. Thank you for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help in re-uniting me with my old lover. Am talking about, for he has brought smile to my face again.

      • I had been having problems maintaining relationships long term. For reasons not known to me at the time every relationship l had kept failing. Guys just left me with no valid reason. When my last one failed l felt l had to seek help. How could l keep letting this happen? Vudoo spell caster quickly did a consultation for me and found out there were problems with me, l had somehow had a curse on me that prevented me from having lasting relationships. With his help and dedication we got rid of the curse. He cast me a lost love spell and a binding love spell. The most amazing part was that the result it 4 days and my man is back in my arms. The vudoo spell caster was there to reassure me and to make sure my financial life was secured. He immediately got to work to resolve any problems.
        If you are having problems in any aready of live, i would advice you meet this spell caster through his email, i met him through a co-worker who knew about my problems. and now am free for good and happy.

  37. Hi,
    My name is Sean and i am 14 years of age and i am not quite sure when the time is to lose my virginity. I’ve checked several sites and they say age doesn’t matter but im not quite sure. Can u help me out?

    • Hey Sean, I’m Cassidy! I’m 16 and still a virgin and my boyfriend and I have been gong out for a little over a year and we still didn’t have sex. I still feel like I’m too young too just remember you should really love the person you are givin your virginity to. Ou can only give that gift to one person so it should be to someone very special and that you really love.

    •  im 14 and ive had it
      but it was only becose i really love my girlfriend and we have been going out  a long time now
      dont do it if you do not love her, thats the worst you can do
      but if you really love her and care for her, and if both want i dont se why not c:

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