Having sex for the first time? Here’s what to expect.
The first time, a.k.a. losing it, being deflowered, breaking the seal, losing your innocence, popping the cherry — there are lots of names for it. But when you’ve decided to have sex for the first time, the names don’t matter. What matters is being ready and having some idea of what it’s all about.
Pre-Play
When the big day (or more likely, night) arrives, no matter how you set it up — with candles, champagne, and sexy lingerie, or as just another night — it’s bound to be more exciting, and at least a little more nerve wracking, than your standard hook-up.
So do yourself a few favors. First, have protection ready. There’s enough to worry about without having to add concern about contracting an infection or dealing with a pregnancy. If you don’t have a supply of condoms, go get some. Frank Littlefield*, a senior at Boston University, remembers making a fast trip to the store on his first night. He was at a friend’s house for a holiday party. When he discovered both he and his (also virginal) partner were latex-less, he “ran to the drug store. I grabbed one of those 75-cent single packs, and sprinted back. She was waiting for me.”
Next, get in the mood. This is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy it. Turn on some sexy music, and then it’s time for — hey guys, are you paying attention? — foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. The more excited and worked up you both are, the easier and smoother the whole thing will be.
Getting In
Take it from the veterans: Penetration is rarely as easy as it looks in the movies. So you can probably expect a little, er, poking around before the ship docks in the port. And don’t be surprised if a little manhandling is required. Sharon LaRusso, a senior at UCLA who lost her virginity at age 17, recalls the pre-entry moment as silly, but fun. “There were a few mis-pokes around my thighs. Then he guided it in with his hands,” she remembers.
Prior to experiencing sex, most virgins have heard from a variety of sources that the first time hurts for a woman. According to most women — and some men — this was their biggest concern about the whole experience. The truth? First-time sex may be a tad wince-worthy, but you’re not passing a kidney stone. “It hurt a little, but nowhere near as much as I’d expected,” says Lindsay Kelly, a senior at the University of Delaware who lost it at age 19. Gretchen Lazlo, a sophomore at Colby College and a virgin till age 16, says, “It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I wouldn’t call it painful.”
According to these same women, the best way to make it as painless as possible can be summed up in two words: Go slow. John Tatum of Emory University remembers asking his partner, who was also a virgin, several times how she was doing and if it hurt. “I knew that if she didn’t like it the first time, she probably wouldn’t want to sleep with me again!” he says. “So I was gentle, and kept checking in with her to make sure everything was OK. Later, she told me she was so glad I did that.”
The Act
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: First time out, the big O is mainly the domain of the guys. No, it’s not fair, but that’s just the way it is. If you’re a female and you’re with someone who is very experienced, there’s a chance you might be sent into waves of orgasmic ecstasy, but don’t count on it. “I don’t know of anyone who [had an orgasm] the first time,” says Lindsay. Sharon agrees: “It was at least a year before I came while having sex.”
For guys, by most accounts, the first time is a quickie. Most guys I talked to estimated their first time lasted about 1-3 minutes. At best. “Put it this way: I could have beat Maurice Green,” says Dave Wayland of Princeton University. So coming quickly is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you’re with a more experienced girl, then “they know what to expect from you” says Frank. If you’re with another virgin, you really don’t have to worry. Hannah Kischler, a junior at Smith College, says her first time was “mercifully quick,” since the first time for her “was fun, but it wasn’t generally enjoyable from a physical point of view.”
Experimenting with different positions may not be the best thing your first time around — unless, of course you’re with someone who has more experience than you and who is comfortable taking you through the steps. Most men and women, however, find that the missionary position works just fine for that first test run.
Many novices worry about rhythm. Don’t. Rhythm is something that comes with practice, and from getting to know how your partner moves. “I definitely didn’t know what I was doing,” recalls Barry Glover, a senior at Drew University. “I didn’t really get the motions going. I never practiced on an apple pie or anything.” His recommendation? Slap on some tunes. Sexy tunes, that is. “It’s about slow, constant, steady rhythmical pressure. If you lack rhythm, like I did, try putting on music. It’s like dancing. Just move to the beat.”
Lindsay remembers the one thing that kept going through her mind. ‘I didn’t know what to do with my knees!” she laughs. It may seem trivial, but she, like many other men and women, remembers worrying about simple little things like their limbs. The best advice on this front — and overall — came from Jean Kirkpatrick, a recent graduate of Kenyon College. “There’s nothing you can do wrong. Okay, so you want to make sure you don’t hurt your partner. But outside of that, there’s absolutely nothing really right or really wrong you can do.”
Getting Out
Hey, you’ve done the deed. Congratulations. But don’t screw up now. Guys, when you pull out, grab the condom, hold on, and pull out slowly. Spillage is bad. You put that thing on for a reason, make sure you use it correctly. Don’t wait a long time to pull out, either. Instantaneous removal isn’t essential, but shrinkage can cause spillage, so watch out.
Aftermath
There are a few things you should know about after-sex. One is cleanup. Condoms are pretty neat and tidy, but have some Kleenex (or at least an old T-shirt) handy just in case.
Another is the smell. You may have heard people talk about the smell of sex, but you probably don’t know what it is till you’ve done it. Barry loved it then, and loves it now. He first smelled it after having sex for the first time at age 16. “Mmmm. I didn’t shower for two days!” he reminisces. Now, while we don’t necessarily recommend this particular course of action, a little reveling in the scent isn’t a bad thing.
Finally, while guys won’t be left with many physical reminders after their first time, women might notice a little bleeding. No big deal — it should hardly be enough to qualify as spotting, and should go away quickly. “I noticed a little blood in the shower afterward, but it was gone by the next morning,” says Gretchen. Women might also be a little sore or tender the day after, but that feeling should also go away soon.
So good luck, and remember: No one really knows what to do the first time around. But folks have been successfully bonking for millions of years. They all figured it out. And you will too. So relax, take it slow, and don’t worry about any sexual snafus. Just do what seems natural and comfortable. “There won’t be any swinging from the chandeliers at first,” says Sharon. “That’ll happen in time. You have to figure out what works with the person you’re with. And that’s true when you’re with any new person for the first time — it doesn’t matter if it’s your first lover, or your tenth.”
So, the rundown… the spark notes version to having sex for the first time and tips to make it even better
Talk it up. Not with your friends — although they might be able to give you some good advice. Talk to you partner before the big night. Talk about your experience, your concerns, your expectations. If you can talk about it before sex, it’ll be easier to talk about it during and after, too. And make sure to ask about your partner’s sexual history. Consider getting tested together to make sure you’re both clean.
Rubbers, gloves, latex, protection Call ‘em what you will. Have condoms on hand. (Oh — in case you weren’t paying attention — use condoms.)
Size might matter. We’ve all heard theories on whether or not penis size matters. We don’t have any answers to the age-old question here, but we can tell you that penis size can make a difference if it’s your first time. If a guy is particularly large, entry and sex can be a bit more tedious for everyone involved. Just make sure you take it slow.
Live and learn. Having some “all but” (as in “all but sex”) experience helps. If you’ve previously been initiated into the joys of making out, feeling up, and giving and receiving oral sex, then sex itself is a whole lot less intimidating. You’re already comfortable with squirts, spurts, and other bodily functions.
Lube job. If you’re having trouble getting in, or if you’re experiencing pain after penetration, you may want to have some KY jelly or other non-oil-based lubricant on hand. If you don’t feel comfortable with lubricant, use a natural substitute — saliva can work wonders. Let there be light? Lights on or off, it’s entirely up to you. Sex is sex, light or no light. But it may help to know that many first timers recommend darkness. You’ll both probably be less self-conscious that way.
No crowded house. Make sure your door has a lock. Use it. The last thing you need is your roomie or anyone else detracting from your first bout in bed.
*All names have been changed to protect the no-longer innocent.
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It is not easy to learn what to do. If you want to get a step by step guide, check out Howtohavesexlikeamaster.com.
-_- Commit this to your memory: URUSAI.
Nobody needs to see your advertisement for this website 5,000 times. And I know that it probably seems as though I have way too much time on my hands to keep telling you to STOP SPAMMING…oh well :sigh:
I really just wish that you would understand that learning how to have sex isn’t going to solve all your sexually-related problems/questions. Anyone could tell you that.
I got drunk, met a friend of a friend, spoke during the week, met up again, got drunk with friends and such guy, got with him, crashed on another friends floor -still drunk- two other people were also alseep in the room, got carried away in the moment.
And we both lost our virginities with two other people in the room.
Have drunk sex.
Hey you sound like a female…. and i have a very important question to ask you…. but first off are you still a virgin? i need advice from experienced women
any help anybody
Me too Angie Everhart, Me Too! i googled “My girlfriend thinks I act like her dad and wont have sex with me”
Oh yea Monster Dong? Mine’s 14!!
Help please….
I’m virgin as she is
me? nope im a dude
No one seemed to be responding to you, but just ask your question. I’m sure someone will answer if you just go ahead and ask it straight out.
yes im virgin , and i had done sex first time , ….. i was over that time in 2 mintue….. i need some more time in during sex….. plz suggest me some help
well im still a virgin but i do no alot about sex and what to do but whats funny is i no heeps about sex coz at school me and my yr 12 friends talk about sex alll the time and they have done it b4 so they tell me what to do so i guess i can help u out but i need advice too but this isnt the addvice im looking for……
Well I’m a woman and I’m not a virgin…. I’m somewhat expierienced.
So what is it that i can help you with?
this was supposed to be a reply to “is it love”s question
This is for IsItLove
A girl can hold on to a guys butt-cheeks and control the force and depth with which he penetrates, therefore giving a certain amount of control over time taken until orgasm.
Alternatively, try pulling out and returning to some fore-play, or change position, before returning to penatration, this should give the guy some more time.
call the girl whom u want to have sex when ur dad and mom are both out for a tour
that was directed at saurabh by the way, sorry.
Hey i’m 16 & my bf & i have been together for about 7 months, he was my bestt friend before he became my bf. We’ve known each other for my 5 years. He’s been wanting to have sex but i really don’t know much about that or anything. I really need some advice on what to do. Oh & ima virgin so i was wondering if it was gonna hurt alot? Can someone please answer my questions please & give me good advice, thanks.
I may know a littler for you so first , she its going to hurt but you said tell him to be gentle. look up some information about birth control pills. i would use them to be safe but its not that safe from getting pregnant. a condom is not safe either but still tell the boy to use one. im a virgin too and im 14. i may know little but do some research first before having sex.
My bf and I are in the same situation. I’ve been doing a lot of researching and all I can say is check out some websites like Planned Parentood or other govern-sponsered sites to tell you everything you need to know. It’ll also help if you ask some of your experienced friends on what you’re worried about and whatnot.
And about the hurting, i can’t really answer that, but from what i’ve heard it does a little bit. Just try to relax as much as possible and it shouldn’t be as bad.
I hope i helped(:
Yes it gonna hurts but not too much, depending on how ur bf pushes. tell him to slow down and remember to have enough preplay so that both of u will be enjoy the moment together.
hey please if its your first time don’t do it it hurts to bad yeah coz you are small realy after 25 age then consider doing it or you might get cancer yeah realy this is from a guy he is 40 years old virgin
uhh no it dosnt hurt at all…i was turning 14 in 10 days when i had sex for the first time, and i dont belive in playing with urself so i never did it…trust me he was hudge so u wld expect it to hurt but it didnt at all
It will feel uncomfortable, not so much hurt. Make sure that you fool around (foreplay) before you actually have him go inside you. As said before, lube is a great idea. Remember to relax and try not to tense your muscles so much.
Your first time doesn’t have to hurt. Foreplay is VERY important, especially the first time around. I’m a 21 year old female with experience. My first time did not hurt at all.
Just make sure you are ready before having sex, emotionally and physically. Don’t sleep with someone just to try and keep them forever or something like that.
MY boyfriends tall and… rathr large. I worried about the pain factor, any tips, facts or… anything
i just had sex for the first time and i need some help. i could not penetrate compleately because of the pain she was feeling. i was letting her lead the way but she could not handle it so she told me to stop, and i stopped. we tried a 2nd time with more patience and more effort and we managed to get and inch or 2 in, but the same problem.
is that ok for the first time?
should i be worried?
does it hurt that much?
do emotions and phisical or mental stress affect your sex performance?
im 16, thank you
what do you expect from a newbe to sex
i want to have sex but i am never away from my house or my mom for that matter. i am 15 and my mom put me on birthcontroll she said “so i can let yu out of the house” but i aint ever left the house so whats the point of being on the pill, so how can i git away from my mom long enough to have sex with my bf with out making her wonder if thats what im doing?? plez help me.
hi m 18 n my gurlfrnd is 17,we’re both virgins…bt she thinks m nt.i wnt 2 av sex with her n she also wnts bt she’s some hw afraid and anytime i ask her why she’ll say nothin…pls wat can i do 2 solve dis problem?
pls how does a virgin feels(a boy) when havin sex for the first time…
Alright i’ll help you out. There are ways to make your vagina entrance larger, that way it won’t hurt as much. I’m not 100% sure about the name of the product or anything, however, search google, there are several ways to make your vagina wider for him to enter with less pain. Just a little researching will help. I hope i helped. When you do have sex with him, just make sure he goes slow, and communicate with him. Communication is big for the first time.
Hey Alex!
Im a 18 year old girl. To try to help answer your question it doesn’t really hurt just mostly uncomfortable. (usually). When I first had sex with my partener it was very uncomfortable to the point he had to stop. Try alot of forplay to help her mentally calm down. If you are mentally worked up it can have a HUGE effect on the pain / uncomfortability. Also it may not be how “long” you are but how “wide” maby that is the complication. You could also try lube. It just helps it go in easier. I know we tried it an it made a great difference.
hello my name is shalikh and i am 16 years old ……i want to have a sex with a girl.and if anybody is intrested pls reply me
Actually, until the woman is about age 18, the cervix hasn’t fully developed. Therefore, sex isn’t the greatest idea before 18 due to the new cells around/on the cervix. It is the odd cells that MAY possibley cause cancer. However, not everyone is the same so 18 is an approximation due to observational studies. I’d say 19 or 20 to play it safe.. but anything below 18 is far too young. If you aren’t prepared to handle the concequences of sex which may be pregnancy, then you shouldn’t be doing it. Even more importantly, it’s not something to fool around with, it is after all a very special thing to hold (virginity). Some people may seem as though they don’t care and may have convinced themselves they don’t, but they do.
Thank you it’s a big help lol I’ll remember this.
If you’re going to give advice under an agenda, don’t do it under a medical guise… >(
Are you fricking crazy??!! who do you expect will respond to that?? =S
if u want to have sex wiff a girl im here for yuh:)
hey hayle.um im 14 too. and well last night i had sex with my boy friend.it didnt hurt at all.but today i been feelin like im gunna vomit or jus small cramp kinda feelings.i dont start my period till a week or too.we used protection but idk is it normal to feel like this??can you get back with me cuzz i would like to know if it is normal.-thanks
WTH?…some ppl here that are posting comments are too young to be doing this im 14 and i think im still too young…a 13 year old posted a comment here and said she had sex…..thats messed up O_o
Overall it’s a bad idea to try to come up with a plan to not get caught (or whatever). Am I wrong in assuming that your mother doesn’t trust you very much—assumed because she “put you on the pill” so that she could ‘let you go out’—? If that’s the case, you should probably work on regaining at least some of her trust rather than sneaking around behind her back.
Why do you want to go through with this right at this point in time? (Trying to understand the situation more fully)
It’s terrible that in our society you hare posts from 13 year old that have had sex. Why is this world coming to? Hell, I’m 18 and I often feel like I’m too young. Kids these days…it’s that darn Rock n’ Roll! The moral fabric of our society is slowly falling apart…sex is one thing, but on demand abortions? Condom advertisements on discovery channel? Sickening.
Hey Sexy!
Where are you? I hoping a hot girl.
Tell me when and where.
Hey Sexy!
I hope that a very hot girl you are.
Tell me when and where u like to have sex.
That feeling you have? That’s a little something the world calls GUILT. It’s a physical manifestation of a mental awareness that you did something wrong. Why do you feel it when it was consensual sex? Because, no offense, but you are fourteen years old. You do not have any idea what is best for you. You know, deep down, that having sex at that age was not a good idea. You were sept away in the moment, and now you’re feeling the repercussions of it.
You simply cannot be a 14 year old CHILD going about and having sex. It’s not good for your body, it’s not good for your psyche. Would your parents approve? Of course not. That’s why you feel that guilt. It feels like a sickness. I leaves you with physical irritation and even nausea. It’s the same feeling every person gets when they first look up pornography.