Not having sex yet? There are plenty of exciting alternatives.
Are you and your mate looking for new and interesting ways to express your affection? Or maybe you and your significant other can’t keep your hands off each other, but are waiting before you plunge into intercourse. It seems that more and more young people are putting penetration on hold and seeking other ways to make each other feel good — without actual intercourse.
There are many reasons young couples decide not to jump right into a full-on sexual relationship: AIDS, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases are high on the list. And many couples just aren’t ready. In fact, according to a recent Playboy survey, the number of virgins in high school and college is increasing. So what’s a couple to do if they aren’t having sex? Plenty!
Here are ten suggestions for spicing up your relationship without going all the way.
1. Work those fingers. Mutual masturbation is a great way to relieve those building sexual tensions and to get to know what gets your partner off. Touching sensitive genitalia can be as pleasurable as having sex, especially for women, who sometimes have a harder time reaching orgasm through intercourse.
“When my last girlfriend and I met, she was still a virgin,” says Dirk Meeks, a recent graduate of UCLA. “She was kind of nervous about having sex, but loved it when I touched her down there. I wanted to be sensitive to what she wanted, so we really got into a groove, not going further than that for a while. But it was cool to be able to get her to have an orgasm without pushing her to have sex.”
If your partner is a man, you can get into the action, by performing a handjob. Like a blowjob minus the mouth, men often appreciate a good handjob as much as other forms of sex.
“I love a good handjob,” Meeks says. “For some reason the girls I’ve dated have sometimes been better with their hands than their mouths. So, it can be a real turn on.”
2. Get greasy. Massage is a wonderful, relaxing way to explore your partner’s body. There are plenty of hidden erogenous zones for you to discover, so start exploring. Be sure to pick up one of the many great smelling body massage lotions or oils to enhance the moment and make your skin nice and soft. It’s sensual and therapeutic. What could be better?
3. Tub time. Taking a bubble bath together not only gets you clean, it can be the perfect way to spend an arousing evening. Don’t forget the bubbles or bath beads. Fill up the tub, turn out the lights, burn some incense and light a few candles — it’s that easy. For extra pleasure, use a washcloth and bath gel to get clean all over or wash each other’s hair.
4. Lights, camera, action! The human body is beautiful, so why not capture your love’s form on film — with their permission, of course. Taking sexy snapshots is the perfect reason to buy some special lingerie and can be quite an adventure. To avoid potential embarrassment, it’s important to pick a night when you know your roommates and friends won’t disturb you.
Begin by setting up a picturesque backdrop, like your bed, couch, or an oversized chair. Be sure there are lots of pillows and interesting props (feather boas, hats, stuffed animals, etc.) to make the pictures more interesting. It’s important to be comfortable with what you are doing, so you might want to start fully clothed and take clothing items off as you get in the mood.
“It feels really naughty, but it is also romantic,” says Nelly Castilo, a student at UCLA. “When my ex-boyfriend and I did it, it reminded me of that scene in Titanic.”
But Castilo warns that there could be a downside to this activity. “You need to have a lot of trust before you should let [your significant other] take pictures of you,” she says. “You don’t want to end up plastered all over his dorm room or on the Internet.” You also might not want to have the film developed at a local photo shop, so consider using a digital camera.
5. Touch thyself. Masturbating is usually a private activity, but performing the act in front of your partner can be very exciting. This might take some courage, but some couples seem to really enjoy watching each other get off sans assistance.
“When my girlfriend has her period she gets really horny,” says Alex Christoper,* a recent graduate of the School of Visual Arts. “She doesn’t like the idea of having sex during that time of the month, so sometimes she’ll masturbate and let me watch. It’s really sexy and she finds it rather empowering.”
6. Wanna watch? Men are easily aroused by visual stimulation, which could explain the soaring sales of magazines like Maxim and Playboy. Couples can enjoy visual stimulation together and learn more about each other in the process. Pick up a skin mag or an X-rated movie and watch it together. You could both get turned on, and learn a few new things as well.
7. Cook up some romance. Many different kinds of food are known for their sensual side effects, and many are easy to find and prepare — even if you live in a dorm room. So forget plying him or her with booze and whip up an aphrodisiac-laden snack or meal. It’s fun to cook together, especially when the food induces kisses. Try some pine nuts, strawberries, grapes, garlic, olives, onions, asparagus, seafood and, of course, chocolate.
8. Toys, toys, toys. Vibrators and other sex toys can bring an interesting element into the bedroom without the worry of intercourse. You don’t even have to go into those creepy XXX-rated shops, which always seem to be located in the seediest part of town. There are plenty of Web sites that will send you all the playthings you need — discreetly packaged, of course.
9. Oral examination. Time tested-and-true, oral sex is a common pre-intercourse couples’ pleasure of choice. But remember that oral sex can still transmit disease, so be sure to use protection.
10. Backseat of the Chevy. Now that you’re on your own it may be easy to find places to be alone with your honey. But remember the good ol’ days when sneaking kisses on a date usually took place in a car, at school, or in the protective darkness of the movie theater? Get back to that sweet simplicity and go on a date. Pack a picnic, head to a sappy romantic movie, or drive to the local Lover’s Lane. They’re all perfect for a surreptitious make-out session.
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Hi,
My name is Sean and i am 14 years of age and i am not quite sure when the time is to lose my virginity. I’ve checked several sites and they say age doesn’t matter but im not quite sure. Can u help me out?
Hi Sean. I’m 16 years old, and i have just recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 2 years. I don’t regret a thing, and I think it made me mature and grow up alot. Just don’t look for girls to have sex with. Once you find a girl, and she is willing to give herself to you, (if u love each other) then go for it, it doesn’t really matter how old you are.
Me and my boyfriend have tried to have our first time but everytime he’s in it hurts wat should I do
Hey, when me and my boyfriend first had sex, it hurt for me too. But after he was in for a while, the discomfort went away and it started to feel good. If you are really worried try lube or something…that might help too…
The first time Chuck Norris had sex it was known as the big bang… it hurt everyone.
I don’t think that there’s a good “time” to lose your virginity. The important thing is that you’re in a committed relationship with someone you really trust- trust is key.
If it hurts a lot, then you’re probably not aroused enough. I know that it can be pretty painful if your muscles are tight, try letting him get you going before penetration. The fingers are a great way to feel loosened up, or tongue if you’re guy’s feeling really nice.
i have done everything i can to get my girlfriend ready but when we try to do it she is always tight and it hurts her .any suggestions?
Stephen. try ”warming” her up and making her horny and turned on there is many ways to do so,including kissing,and many many other ways. just dont go straight into the final thing and it wont hurt as much. oh and tell her to spread
Try putting posters of Chuck Norris on your wall and wearing a Chuck Norris mask, for no women can resist Chuck Norris. However, be wary of the real Chuck Norris stealing a girl that is rightfully his. However, all girls actually belong to Chuck Norris, this is what makes sex so risky.
This is helping me alot to warm up to my own self and decide if I’m ready to go all the way with my boyfirend.
I think I am. Also, Whats up with the Chuck Norris jokes?
I like them though, so keep it up!!!
haha i love the chuck norris jokes. well i’m fifteen, probably going to lose mine soon…
I have a lot of trouble using tampons. I have great difficulty getting it in and then even if I do, when it’s time to pull it out it’s incredibly painful. I talked to my doctor and she said it’s perfectly normal and that some people can’t use them. But I’m afraid that since I can’t use tampons, my first time will be incredibly painful. I’m not in a serious relationship or anything, but I was just wondering if it would hurt for someone like me more than it would girls who can use tampons….
Hi Megan,
I have the same problem–in fact, when I headed to the OBGYN at age 18 (I had still never used a tampon), I was actually told I shouldn’t use them. Some girls are so small that it’s necessary for them to undergo a procedure in which the hymen is removed (the flap of skin that covers the vagina). But it’s nothing to be ashamed of… and neither is retaining your virginity past your teenage years. I’m 21 and still have yet to lose mine!
i am a virgin and my some of my friends say that it does hurt and then others say it didnt hurt as much as they thought it would and my boyfriend is more experienced then me we haven’t been going out for as long as other relationships have but i like him alot and i think im ready and im not very comfortable with my body (but how many other teenage girls are) but im not really fat or skinny and i have an ass but my chest isnt very big but yeah i just need advise
My boyfriend and I finally went all the way or should i say we tried to. when it came down to him putting it in it just wouldnt and then wouldnt stay in. any advise i want to have sex but dont want to go though that again
hey amy. im 16 and have been with my bf for almost 5 months, he was a virgin and i wasnt, when we tried to have sex the first time we had exactly the same problem.. we soon realised that it was because i was so tense and not loose enough so now we often do some oral before hand to relax a little.. otherwise you could go straight to it but you could get on top and that way you control how deep or whether or not he does penetrate you. you can keep it in by pushing down on him… also guys find it a huge turn on if the girl is on top.
also my boyfriend said that he felt nervous the first time so he wasnt as hard as he should be… make sure your boyfriend is hardbefore penetration..
Variations — There are a lot of things you can do beside vaginal / penis intercourse. You can suck and lick his penis, balls and anus when he is showered well. Tease his anus with your finger with jel while you rub his cock up and down with jel. That is a double turn on. Have a small had towel or tissues ready for his cum. You can suck and swallow his cum if you like that.
Get him to rub you clitoris as you enjoy it with gel until you orgasm. Men don’t know about the clitoris – you have to teach them – thery think it is all thrusting in the vagina with a huge penis.
He can caress your breasts and nipples and your whole body – inside you thighs is good. Have fun girls.
Hey my bf and I have been goingbout not thst long and idk if I’m ready for sex or not I always want and he wants it and I just don’t know if I want it with him cause I’m a virgin and he’s alot more expeirianced
well I’ve lost a lot of relationships for not having sex… I’m 14 years old and i really like this guy and i think I’m ready but I don’t think I’m ready. What should i do??
am 40 n virgin,,,,,, my bf 30 wanna have sex with me but start from oral,,,,, am afraid it gonna be hurt,,,, n how i can please him get orgasm