Take it outside, expand your sexual horizons in the great outdoors
On a warm Friday night last May, Jessica (not her real name), a Penn State University sophomore, tried something new, and it took just one taste to get hooked.
It was the week before finals. Jessica and her boyfriend Dave (not his real name) had spent the entire day cramming for a biology exam. It was 10:00 pm, and most of their friends had left for end-of-semester parties. Suffering after hours of reading and concentration, the young couple needed a tension breaker. Dave suggested they ditch biology and instead study anatomy — outside.
Jessica and Dave enjoy an adventurous sex life. Things got hotter, however, when they left the dorm room and ventured out into the wilderness. “Sex hasn’t been the same since,” she admits proudly. “[Outdoor sex] has an element of danger to it, and an element of being caught. Even though we go to a totally isolated part of the woods off campus, there’s still that tiny tinge of excitement that someone’s watching us. The air is crisp. Everything’s fresh. It’s so natural.”
Jessica says sex with her boyfriend is “amazing,” but doing it outdoors makes things even better. The college campus provides the perfect backdrop for shagging under the stars. After all, there’s only one thing as beautiful as sex — and that’s nature.
College campuses are breeding grounds for exploration and adventure. Here are some tips, suggestions and other things to keep in mind when taking everyone’s favorite indoor sport out into the great outdoors:
* There are laws against porking in public. In most states, outdoor shagging is considered “public indecency,” and the punishments for getting caught range from a small fine to jail time. In Nebraska, an “act of sexual penetration…to be viewed by members of the public” is a Class H misdemeanor, punishable by a $1,000 fine and / or jail time. If you must experience open-air sex, choose a location that’s inconspicuous. On the college campus, you should stay away from the quad, and opt for areas you wouldn’t normally visit. And while you’re getting the hang of it, do it at night. Leave daytime outdoor romps to trained professionals.
* Safety first. When you take the lay out to play, it’s important to keep in mind that you’re not in Kansas anymore. You’re probably used to the fluffy comfort of your twin, extra-long bed — or at least the flat, faux-formica surface of your desk. Neither of these is covered with pine needles, insects, rabbit droppings or small animals. Consider bringing a blanket or sleeping bag when exposing erotica to the elements.
* Disguise your intentions. Everyone goes camping, right? Families, old people, Cub scouts. If you’re aching to get wood in the woods, bring a tent, a sleeping bag, a lantern and some insect repellent. No one will suspect a thing.
* Go far, far away. The best sex is loud sex, and when you’re outside, sound travels. Far. While the sophomores next door might congratulate you on the volume of your sexcapades, college administrators and campus neighbors probably won’t appreciate your cries of freedom. If you take the plunge and do the chores outdoors, choose a place that’s tucked away and deserted, or surrounded by a lot of sound-swallowing trees or brush.
* Stay warm. In some climates, being naked outdoors can lead to some pretty painful frostbite. If the weather outside is frightful, we recommend the steamy comfort of your car. It’ll be like you’re in high school again — only now, you’ll actually be getting some.
* Don’t reach the beach. If you’re lucky enough to attend a school near the shore, you might think that bopping beneath the boardwalk is a swell idea. Don’t do it. All the blankets in the world won’t stop sand from entering crevices that sand really shouldn’t enter. Your ass isn’t an oyster: a trapped granule won’t yield a pearl — but it will cause major discomfort.
* Know your foliage. Before you enter the forest of lust, take a crash course in poisonous plants. Poison ivy-ravaged private parts are unpleasant, to say the least. Also, when going for the green grass grope, insect repellent (though unsexy and malodorous) is more important than any cologne or perfume. You’re gonna sweat it off, anyway. You might as well prevent a nasty mosquito bite in the process.
* And finally, be creative. Every jock in school claims to have scored on a field of some sort. And since jocks often look better than the rest of us, I’m going to assume that at least half of them aren’t lying. Therefore, on any warm evening, chances are that your school’s dugouts and 50-yard lines are filled with fornicating hardbodies. To avoid unhealthy competition, steer clear of any area that contains a scoreboard.
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