The people and the personalities listed here are those you most likely came across. These people are among us, in our family, or friends from college or high-school. Which one of these funny personality traits matches your description? Read on around the 15 types of people we categorized and let us know what you think in comments.
1. The 1 Hit Wonder
You will never hear this guy/girl ever say anything, whether it be to other students or the professor. Then one day, after looking extremely intense or constipated for an hour straight, they will say something so gloriously insightful that it will bring tears to the eyes of everyone who bears witness to it.
Then they will never speak again.
2. The Cave Dweller
His blinds are never open. His light’s never on. He lives by the light of his computer. Whenever he goes out, which is very, very rare, he squints and looks frightened, often power walking to class. He uses the internet for his lectures, and never sleeps when you do, so you can’t hang out with your friends/girlfriend at your place. He’s not nice, but he’s not mean. He’s clean, but his room’s a mess. There’s Mountain Dew cans everywhere. He gets average grades, and he’s usually a science major, though sometimes a Lit or English major.
3. They Live At the Coffee Shop
It might be an on-campus coffee shop or one right near campus, but either way they’re there. Always. The group can get quite large, but there’s a core of about four people. Usually this core consists of: a fat, annoying girl; a gay guy; a theater major (male or female); and an older guy, either a grad student/limpet or a townie. This core group will invariably occupy the coffee shop’s only couch; if there are more than one, they will occupy the best couch. No matter where you are in the coffee shop, you will hear them laughing, shouting, calling one another hot, singing along with the song playing on the stereo (“omigod i luv this song!!”), and erupting into a chorus of “BYEEEE’s” whenever one of the group finally decides to leave.
4. The Threat
Black trench coat. Few words. Odd knowledge about weapons. And somehow, he always seems to sit next to you in class.
5. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer
Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you’ve left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it’s more likely that he’s some kind of magic robot.
6. The Computer Dummy
Cannot use a computer or any technology to save their life. This person will rely on you to help them type up reports, assignments, or use excel/power point/access for projects. Will also become dazzled if they see you playing any kind of video game or watching a DVD in your dorm, and will want to learn more about it.
7. The Karaoke Superstar
Possessing the incredible ability of knowing the lyrics to every song ever written, but unfortunately lacking the talent to flaunt it properly, the Karaoke Superstar molds every moment of their life into that of an American Idol reject. Those in earshot will reel in horror at the audio assault, exclaiming “Oh my God, a cat fell into the blender!” or “It sounds like someone is scraping a cheese grater across 200 feet of blackboard!” The Karaoke Superstar falls under the category of “completely ignorant,” believing their vocal stylings to be those of a professional. Frequently an actual Music major, mentioning their shortcomings will result in a major blow to their ego.
8. I Studied Abroad and it Changed My Life
This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn’t too different from our own, but it’s sooo much better. It’s so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student’s stories involve getting drunk and hooking up with a creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed her life, like OMG i totally know how people in other countries live and I’ll keep talking and talking and talking about it.
9. Madden JR.
This student’s life revolves around sports. He can quote sports scores, character stats, and just about anything from some obscure game last week. Not only did he watch it, he studied it while his classmates were studying for that quiz he failed. He usually arrives in class approximately 10 minutes late wearing his favorite sports team hat and jacket, only to talk about sports for the entire class. Interestingly, the Madden Jr. rarely, if ever, has any athletic ability of his own, and is often obese due to a diet consisting entirely of nachos.
10. Johnny Three Legs
Usually an average-looking, somewhat lanky guy, Johnny Three Legs is extraordinary on one respect: his ten inch penis. Flaccid. How do you know? Well, he’s the guy that faces towards everyone else in communal showers. In dorms with individual showers, he dries himself off in public areas, and spends just a bit more time naked than other residents, who usually whip on a towel before they even draw the curtains open. Pity his poor roommate, usually a lonely computer science major that is still a virgin, who is kept up awake at nights from the cries of Johnny Three leg’s dates – “Ouch! That hurts! Ungggnmph! Oh yeah … yes …
11. The Scout
The Scout is always in lecture before you. Even if you show up five minutes early. The Scout will use his backpack, notebook, textbook, or anything larger than a piece of paper to cordon off the entire front row for his or her friends, who show up five minutes after the class has already started.
12. The Anime Freak
Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this:quote:You: Hey, what’s up?AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!!You: Um… I have to go.
13. The Nursing Student
OMG BUSY! These girls (invariably) are incredibly busy with their nursing school workload. Despite this, they get shit faced constantly with their fellow nursing school students, only to wake up at 5am for their OB rotation. Often incredibly attractive, these girls typically are still attached to the same guy they knew in high school, who they will marry.
14. The Suburban Rapper
THE SUBURBAN RAPPER
The Suburban Rapper can be found in any common area, listening to his own music on his IPOD at an unreasonable volume. Generally (but not always) white, he awkwardly uses the words Dog, Crib, Homie, Phat, G, or Ill. If he spots you, he’ll ask you to “peep this new track yo,” or attempt to sell you tickets to his half-assed concert. His music is generally unbearable, and if you’re lucky, you can get away with only hearing a few verses. He always seems surprised that his poser antics never land him a girl, or a record deal.
15. Mr. ROTC Cadet
Often seen traversing campus in fatigues, yet his pack is devoid of water, map, GPS, or other survival gear. Instead, he packs the same Biology 101, Spanish II, and English Rhetoric texts that you do. Known to major in Criminology or Criminal Justice, and may show up to 8 a.m. class in PT gear, not having had time to make it home for a shower and shave after his morning run. Very loyal to his friends and beliefs and usually with crazy Call of Duty skills, Mr. ROTC Cadet is generally a good guy to have as a friend, or at least an amiable acquaintance.
Matt thinks he will be classified by the readers of this article to be a “Better than everyone snob who wrote this article”. Share your personality types you came across in comments and if you agree with the above.