Nothing is better — or worse — for a good friendship than a little nookie.
“I thought briefly that I was in love with a good friend,” said Jessica Tucker-Mohl, a junior at Stanford. “But before too long, I realized that we were just not prepared to make the transition from friends to something more.”
Tucker-Mohl has managed to remain friends with her crush over three years of college, and she feels certain she made the right choice.
“Without the mystery and newness of someone unknown, a relationship with a friend might lack some excitement,” she said.
The scenarios seem endless: to tell or not, to act or not, and then there is the other side. What if your best friend falls for you? The dilemmas involved with friends falling for friends are perhaps as numerous as the number of people who experience it — and that’s a lot of people.
Nicole Ciancarelli, a junior at the University of New Hampshire, is one of them. Her good friend fell for her. “I think he is a really nice guy, but I was just not attracted to him,” she said. “He kept asking me out, and I kept saying no.”
Ciancarelli resolved the situation uniquely.
She told a girlfriend who liked him to go out with him.
“He has not been after me since,” she said.
Ciancarelli resolved the situation uniquely. She told a girlfriend who liked him to go out with him.
They’ve remained friends through all the changes.
“I have just tried to act as if nothing unusual ever happened,” she said. “It is kind of hard, but I don’t want to lose his friendship. I have to make it work.”
Hollywood Feels Your Pain
Falling for a friend? Wondering if you should let them know, keep it a secret or try to get over it? Don’t worry, Hollywood understands. Check out the morals of these friend-falling-for-a-friend movies for advice.
When Harry Met Sally
Harry and Sally meet at the end of college and keep meeting until they have sex. They feel funny after. He compares her to a dog. She bitch slaps him. They meet once more at a New Year’s Eve party, he in a bad jacket, she with a bad perm and both feeling sorry. “Auld Lang Syne” and “The Wedding March” ensue.
Moral: Wait. You won’t have to fake the orgasm.
Josh hates Cher’s shallow, Beverly Hills bitchiness. He hates her surgically-enhanced friends. But he’s got her back anyway. What he should hate is that he’s kissing his stepsister. Eww.
Moral: Divorce sucks face.
Some Kind of Wonderful
Watts is a girl who seems to lust to the beat of a different drummer. After changing carburetors the live-long day, she sits at the kit in her garage and pines for her bud Keith — though that Denise Crosby haircut and the G.I. Jane-goes-to-CBGBs outfit point to a possible obsession with Amada, the object of Keith’s affection. When Watts stoops to playing chauffeur in order to chaperone Keith and Amanda’s date, it’s unclear who she’s ticked off at and who she turned on by. Fortunately, Keith almost gets his ass kicked and gives Watts the earrings and practice smooch she’s apparently been waiting for.
Moral: Not every chick who seems like a lesbian is one.
The falling-for-a-friend situation isn’t always as easy to resolve as this one was. Some choose to tell their friend and are met by a pleasant surprise when they find that their friend feels the same way, others get a kind, sympathetic “but we make such good friends.” And still others keep quiet and watch, silently tortured, as their best friend dates someone else.
Whatever happens, most people say it’s a very thin line to walk. Tell and you can lose a friendship or gain a strong solid love. Don’t tell and the feelings you have may drive you away because it just becomes too painful to watch that person fall for someone else.
Alan Hart, a junior at North Carolina State University, talked about the change that took place when he started to fall for a girl he’d once called his best friend.
“It is a realization that grows out of very small flashes of sexual interest,” he said. “This is followed by a long progression of really getting to know each other and then one day realizing that, despite even the worst event or the annoying idiosyncrasies, you still love every aspect of her.”
Because Hart’s friend has a boyfriend who treats her poorly and Hart is the person she turns to when she’s upset, he has never told his friend he loves her. He said he cares enough about her to know that her comfort and security right now are more important. And he does not want to see things become uncomfortable between them if he tells her how he feels.
“Things will eventually work themselves out,” said Hart. “And if they don’t, you can write the world’s longest romantic tragedy.”
Kelly Flynn, a senior at Harvard, took a different approach. After a year of having feelings for a close friend, the two came to be more than friends. But the decision was mutual after they really got to know each other and were sure the relationship would work.
“When you date someone that you haven’t spent time with before, there is always that awkward ‘getting-to-know-you’ stage,” said Flynn. “I think it is much easier to talk with someone and discover more about him if you have already had a chance to become comfortable with each other as friends.”